Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Taking a Break Means Putting on the Brakes

This is our summer off. We agreed to take the next several months to forget about infertility and adoption, allowing ourselves to be excited about the new house and just live life for a while.

But, I got ahead of myself. In a moment of weakness, I checked the criteria for adoptive families on the website of the agency we planned to use. Uh-oh. The agency has a strict "alcohol, tobacco, and drug free" policy. Two of the three are not a problem, but we do occasionally have alcohol. We believe that alcohol is a good gift from God when used wisely.  Now, we could swear off alcohol until the adoption was final, but that wouldn't be honest. If the agency so clearly disagrees with us on this issue, we would be concerned that they could bump us down on the waiting list. So, we decided to work with a different agency.

Our plan had been to not take any steps toward adoption until September, but that was when we thought the agency was already chosen. So, I started doing research (usually a bad idea for me). Soon I was reading about adoption grants and fundraisers, watching adoption videos, creating spreadsheets, and overwhelming C with thoughts and questions. After a few days of chaos, he was kind enough to reign me in. This was supposed to be our summer off.

We came to a new agreement: I will research adoption agencies, and only adoption agencies, for the next two weeks. At the end of two weeks, I will reveal my agency comparison spreadsheet to C, and we will choose an agency. Then, we will do nothing else adoption-related until September. It's hard for me to even write that. I want to read and research and apply and get approved and bring home a baby tomorrow, or even today. But instead, we will wait. We need this time of rest and recovery after our long season of struggle.

Please pray for us. Pray that we connect with the agency that will lead us to our child. Pray that God helps us truly let go of infertility stress this summer.

Thank you all for the prayers and encouragement.


  1. My husband's family has been very involved in Bethany. They are a Christian adoption agency. My in-laws are currently adopting from Haiti and using this agency.

  2. Excited to hear how the research for agencies goes!

  3. You two sound like you are being very wise and intentional. So good! How interesting that the agency has a no alcohol policy. It never even occurred to me that might be an issue. I'm assuming it's a Christian agency? God bless you guys for not being dishonest and for moving onto another agency.

    1. I was surprised, too. It is a Christian agency, which is what we want. Thanks for the encouragement!

  4. I saw your question about adoption blogs to read associated with my interview on Amateur Nester. I thought I'd list some for you here. I love Lavender Luz ( as she has so much insight on having an open adoption (her daughter) and what she calls an open-door adoption (her son). She also wrote a book that I highly recommend anyone considering adoption read. I also like Production Not Reproduction, although she hasn't posted for over a year but has lots of good stuff in the archives and the Open Adoption Bloggers site. Books - The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier, 20 Things Adoptive Parents Need to Succeed by Sherrie Eldrige, and Adoption Nation by Adam Pertman. Please do yourself and your future child a favor and be diligent about transparency when dealing with an agency. Be aware of the potential of coercion of expectant parents. It serves no one to coerce someone to place their child for adoption. Ask the hard questions of the agency you choose. As sensational news stories surrounding adoption show us, when an agency acts unethically, everyone loses. Good luck - it's a tough and rewarding road to travel!