Saturday, May 31, 2014

Adoption Does Not Cause Pregnancy, and Other Thoughts

You may have read lists of things to say and not to say to people in certain categories (e.g. pregnant women, adoptive parents, etc.). Infertility is one of those categories.

Many of us in the infertility world have heard this one a few times: "Once you start the adoption process, you'll get pregnant. That's what happened to my friend." Adoption does not cause pregnancy. Seriously, it doesn't. Some people may conceive during the adoption process, but the adoption had nothing to do with it.

As we turn toward adoption, I find myself afraid of reinforcing the misconception. "What if I'm THAT person, the one that gets pregnant during the adoption process?!! That would be so horrible!" Then, I realize that I'm saying pregnancy would be horrible. Pregnancy: the condition I have been trying to achieve for so many years. Ridiculous. If I had to choose between reinforcing a misconception or having a child, I would obviously choose having a child. Obviously.

Other than these ridiculous thoughts, I am in a great place right now. I am happier than I have been for a LONG time. I'm excited about things like our new house and an upcoming trip to Florida. More than anything, I'm excited about adoption. We both are. I know it will be a long journey, possibly involving heartbreak. Still, I am excited. For the first time, I am watching for items for our baby's room ["Our baby"? What?]. Lord willing, a baby will be joining our family in the next year or so. This is really happening, and I'm excited!


  1. Glad you are in a good place girl xoxo

  2. Loving your attitude and positivity!

  3. Hi Davy,
    My husband and I struggled with infertility. Oddly enough, we are one of those couples--the ones who got pregnant when they finally started pursuing adoption. It's hard because some people might think that pregnancy happened because we "stopped trying." This isn't the case. I don't really know why it finally happened (I'm just grateful it did!). For every couple who conceives while trying to adopt, there have to be dozens who don't. We just don't hear these stories, so it seems like it happens the other way around.
    I've come to realize that there are some things we'll never understand this side of eternity.
    Grace to you on your journey!

    1. Thanks for sharing, Shannon. It is encouraging to hear of surprise pregnancies for people dealing with infertility, whether it happens during the adoption process or not. I hope your pregnancy goes well!

  4. "If I had to choose between reinforcing a misconception or having a child, I would obviously choose having a child. Obviously." Yes! Amen to that!

    I think it's also important to point out that whether or not you adopt, your chances of conception stay the same. It's been proven. :) Sooo, for all those couples who adopted and then got pregnant, they likely would have gotten pregnant if they had kept trying and not pursued adoption. I point that fact out all the time when people say the "just adoption and you'll get pregnant" line. Silly misconception!