Hearing the stories of other women, I am amazed at what we put ourselves through in pursuit of children. We endure invasive tests, extensive blood work, personality-changing hormones, and even surgeries. All this for that elusive baby bump (and the baby that comes with it).
Pregnancy is a mystery to those of us on the outside. We idealize pregnancy, looking forward to having "the glow." We want the excitement of seeing our baby on an ultrasound and feeling it kick us from inside.
And then, I think about what pregnancy actually involves: aches and pains, nausea, stretching skin, squished organs, giving birth to a melon. When looking at pregnancy that way, I start to think that this infertility journey is silly; adoption is clearly the better way to grow a family. At least the children come pre-made. I could get behind that.
Except, I would miss out. I want to see a positive pregnancy test and to share the results with my husband, family, and friends. I want to be unable to button my jeans because of the life God is knitting together inside of me. I want to shop for maternity clothes. I want to experience the aches and pains of a body bulging as it forms a human that didn't exist before [What a miracle!]. I want to see what our babies would look like. Would they have my nose and C's eyes? Would they have my blond hair, C's darker hair, or red hair like other family members? These are things I would miss and will surrender if the Lord wills.
As I have mentioned before, adoption is not a second choice for us. We have always planned to adopt at some point. What we didn't plan for was the possibility that adoption might be our only option. If that's where we end up, we will mourn for the things we missed, swallow hard, and then get excited.
Remember all things are possible with God! Don't few adoption as your only option! He can heal the barren!! Believe and ask him to do so!
ReplyDeleteWe are still praying for a biological child and pursuing infertility tests and treatment; at the same time, we realize that God may have other plans. As Proverbs 19:21 says, "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." God is still good if He chooses not to give us biological children. We trust Him to guide us. Thanks for the encouragement, Caroline!
DeleteWhen I see my sisters going through 9 months of vomiting and nausea I often wonder why I'm trying to get pregnant LOL. Although I would love to get pregnant, I'm perfectly OK with adoption. For me, pregnancy isn't my goal. Being a mother is...and whether that's by pregnancy, adoption, or surrogacy that is OK by me as long as I'm a mama. But there are some experiences that I would definitely miss out on if I adopted, and I would probably have a small part of regret on that. Realistically though, pregnancy is such a small time period in your life - I think your heart would fill with the other memories and it would eventually become very small, if not disappear. Especially if God calls you to adopt, which I definitely think He does.
ReplyDeleteHaha. Exactly, Rach! Some people I know have had very difficult pregnancies that make me wonder why I want that. I still do, though I am open to other options.
DeleteI think that some of the pain of infertility will go away after children; however, infertility will likely change us forever. Hopefully, we will be more kind, patient, and empathetic at least.
Hi from ICLW. I can totally relate to this post because I have been there. When my husband and I made the decision to quit TTC due to my health and switch to adoption, the grief I went through was at times almost unbearable. I honestly had to grieve that baby who could've been a little bit of me and a little bit of my husband, as well as the pregnancy announcements I so wanted to make. But God got me through that and now we are approved and waiting to adopt. I have no idea how long this journey will be but thankfully God knows what He's doing and that is always a great comfort to me!
ReplyDeleteIt's so true, I have watched my sisters go through their pregnancies and it did not look like fun! But it doesn't mean I don't want that experience too. However, the overall goal is indeed to have our own child. I could live with not giving birth to my own but I would definitely mourn not having the experience.
ReplyDeleteEvery word of this. Thanks, Davy.
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