The End of the Line: Closer Than Expected?

This update is a few days late. We had an appointment on Wednesday and have been trying to process coherent thoughts since then. I will try to make sense.

The blood work showed normal hormone levels. As a result, we still do not have a problem to fix.

We plan for me to start a round of Clomid in a few days. A round of Clomid involves taking one pill a day for five days. Clomid is intended to fix issues that I do not seem to have (ovulation/luteal phase issues, for those of you who want details). It's kind of a starter drug for infertility. The doctor said he has seen it help people like me. At the same time, he emphasized that more than three years of trying to conceive is not a great sign. If Clomid doesn't work, we will have some difficult decisions to make.

Since they haven't found any issues that warrant a specific treatment, the next steps are very much up to us. We could repeat the ultrasound for signs of endometriosis. Two years ago, it cost $675 and showed nothing. We could both have the initial tests done again to see if the results are different. Even if they were different, the doctor says they would have likely been at least as good at some point in the last three years. We can go to a specialist, who will likely have us do all of the above plus a laparoscopy. We can skip right to the laparoscopy. The HSG will most likely cost us around $1,500 total. The laparoscopy is a surgery involving anesthesia and would be in the thousands for sure. We do have insurance, but much of the expenses would be out-of-pocket.

And then you have the stewardship issue. I only have one body, and we have limited funds. How much poking, prodding, and medicating is wise? With a medical problem, people often have the option of living with the problem or treating it. They have to decide if the benefits of the treatment outweigh the side effects. I'm not going to say their decision is easy, but at least it makes sense. We are faced with basically trying treatments for an unknown problem. Clomid MIGHT work. It also might cause other problems, like cysts that require surgery. We are willing to take the risk, at least for one round.

I think we have decided to avoid surgery unless medically necessary. If it becomes clear that I have severe endometriosis that needs to be treated, we would consider laparoscopy. If not, we won't (I think).

Okay, so that means we would be at the end of the line. Already. I know there are many other things we could try: diets, NaProTechnology, cleanses, acupuncture. I just don't want to waste our time and money. We want children. We don't want to pour endless time and money down a drain that may lead nowhere.

And so, we could be close to pursuing adoption. As I have shared before, we always wanted to adopt at some point. We planned to adopt after having a few biological children (I guess that could still happen). For some reason, the realization that we might choose to stop fertility testing/treatment soon comes as a shock. Clomid could be the last thing to try, then we might be done.

I thought I would be a mess when faced with the likelihood of never having a biological child. I'm not. I don't know why. I guess I feel like choosing adoption now doesn't mean we can never resume infertility testing. Maybe I will be a mess tomorrow, but I'm not today.

We could really use prayer. As you can see by this atypically long post, we have a lot to think about. Please pray that the Lord would guide us clearly, that we would truly seek and desire His will rather than our own. Please pray that Clomid would work. Please pray that God would build our family in His perfect way. Thanks for your prayer and support.