Thursday, April 3, 2014

An Open Letter to Family and Friends

Dear Family and Friends,

Thank you for providing prayer, encouragement, and support to us throughout our infertility journey. I started this blog to give insight to those of you who cannot relate and encouragement to those who can. Unfortunately, I did not think through the ramifications of this openness. I am afraid that some blog posts may have caused hurt, confusion, or awkwardness, and I apologize.

Please allow me to clarify how we feel about several things:
  • The world doesn't revolve around us. I/we have chosen to be very open about our struggle with infertility. The openness does not indicate importance. Your struggles are as important and possibly as difficult as ours; they are just different. Please don't think that we expect everyone to tiptoe around because of our publicized problem.
  • Our infertility is our problem. We do not want anyone feeling awkward about or planning their lives around our struggle with infertility. 
  • If you are married and want kids someday, what are you waiting for? As we have learned, families cannot always be planned. Make sure to evaluate your reasons for waiting very carefully.
  • If you are pregnant and/or have children, we still like you. ;) Sometimes all the mom/dad and pregnancy talk gets overwhelming, but we realize that is your life. We do appreciate when you choose topics intentionally, realizing that we would love to have the thing (kids) that you may be complaining about. 
  • If I have robbed anyone of joy, I am sorry. Please take joy in your phase of life, regardless of us. If you are pregnant, enjoy it! In my selfish moments, that baby bump picture might cause twinges of pain; I can look away. In better moments, I will get excited with you. Pregnancy is a miracle. I don't get to enjoy it myself, but most days I am happy to enjoy it secondhand. 
  • If you wonder about something, please ask us. If you don't know how to approach us, just pretend you have no idea about infertility. If you would have called us in a life crisis before, please still do. If you would have announced pregnancy, please still do. Just treat us like "normal" friends or family members. Extra tact is appreciated, but not required.
Thank you for being in our lives. We love you.

C and Davy 


  1. Hi Davy! I just want to mention that I think blogs like yours are very helpful in learning to love one another. I have never experienced a miscarriage and many other very difficult things, and so I appreciate when friends take the time to let me know how I can be a better friend to them in what they are going through (like what's helpful to say/what could be hurtful, practical ways to be a help). I think (but not always) the couple wanting to have children is overlooked, and I appreciate that when we were hoping/praying for children our church prayed for us right a long side with women who were pregnant. I think that's a great way to bring the balm of comfort to those who desire children--to be active in praying for them, just like those dear expecting mothers. We are in this together. Praying for you!

    1. Thanks, Sheri. It was such a blessing to talk to you and hear your story. You were a great encouragement.

  2. Davy your blog has been very helpful and encouraging to me too as I am struggling with infertility as well. Thank you for being honest about your feelings and emotions during this process because I read them and think to myself "I've said/felt/experienced' the same thing and I'm sad someone else is going through this but encouraged that I'm not alone. Keep it up! God Bless -prayers are with you guys during this time!

    1. I'm so glad the blog has been encouraging to you. You are not alone! Thanks for the prayers.

  3. Very well-said. I think it's so important to keep the lines of communication open during this process and you did a fabulous job just now.