Last night, I was telling my husband about a recent thought. I realized that even if we conceive, I will not assume the pregnancy will result in taking home a baby. I think infertility has robbed me of some of the joy that would have come from a positive pregnancy test. A positive test should produce joy and excitement, but would likely lead me to fear of miscarriage.
I guess that infertility has thrown off my math. Before this phase, I thought that man + woman = baby, and that woman + pregnancy = "take home" baby. Now I know it's just not that easy. Many couples cannot conceive. Some couples that do conceive experience miscarriage. I don't have facts on this, but it seems like couples dealing with infertility often also experience miscarriages. Anyway, I guess I have turned into a bit of a pessimist.
This morning, I read a very applicable blog post. The post by Rebekah Hannah* is called "Pregnancy After Miscarriage," but I found it very helpful for my stage as well. She mentions wanting to feel nothing in order to avoid feeling pain. She mentions Satan trying to lure us from reading Scripture to seeking too much sleep, entertainment, or food. She explains that Jesus "doesn't promise life free of scars." But he has them too, and "he promises to steady us." If you can relate, I encourage you to read the post. I have already returned to it several times today.
*Hannah, Rebekah. "Pregnancy After Miscarriage." The Gospel Coalition Blog. The Gospel Coalition, n.d. Web. 6 Mar. 2014. <http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/tgc/2014/03/06/pregnancy-after-miscarriage/>.
That is so good. He promises to steady us!!!
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