Waiting for My Plans to Be Thwarted

God is good. His plan is perfect, far better than anything I could come up with. I can trust Him.

God is good. His plan is perfect, far better than anything I could come up with. I can trust Him.

This is my mantra lately.

I have found myself holding my breath in preparation for my plans to be thwarted. Then, I find myself frustrated with God for thwarting my plans in ways that haven't even happened yet.

Ridiculous? Yes. Reality? Also yes.

You see, we are about to officially begin the adoption process. Our first agency meeting is on Thursday, and I find myself hesitant. I am so excited about adoption and want to get there already. However, other feelings have surprised me. After transitioning from TTC to adoption, I am totally on board with adoption and not at all on board with getting pregnant. After wanting something for so long, I am shocked to find myself hoping it doesn't happen. And yet, here I am.

Many months ago, I came across an infertility blogger who immediately got back on the pill after deciding to stop treatments. At the time, I thought she was crazy. Why would you want to remove the chance of getting what you want at a time you didn't plan? Now, I get it. I think it's about control for me. I want things to go my way.

We wanted to conceive, but thus far God has thwarted that plan. Nearly four years later, we have become excited to adopt, and God better not mess it up this time. Woah! My surprising feelings are revealing a lack of faith and trust in God.

God is good. His plan is perfect, far better than anything I could come up with. I can trust Him.

My husband and I worked through my feelings over dinner last night. Mostly, I threw "what ifs" at him, and he calmly responded.

Me: "What if we start the adoption process and then find ourselves pregnant?!"
Him: "Then, we would get excited about our miracle baby."

Me: "What if people had donated money to help us pay for adoption?!"
Him: "Then, we would put the money in a fund for a future adoption. Having a biological child would not remove our desire to adopt."

Me: "But, but, but..."

And so, with much trepidation on my part, we begin the process. Please pray for us. After struggling through an abundance of disappointments and delays, we would love for something to go well and fall into place. If nothing else, we would like to walk away from the meeting on Thursday confident that we do or do not want to work with that agency.

If our family grows through adoption, God is already bringing circumstances together that will lead to a child being displaced from his or her biological family. Adoption begins with this tragedy. It is messy and sad and beautiful and happy and a picture of the gospel. Our adoption will be these things. Please join us in prayer.

God is good. His plan is perfect, far better than anything we could come up with. We can trust Him.

God is good. His plan is perfect. We can trust Him.

This post is linked up with Amateur Nester's Infertility Link Up.

Introducing Our Furry Family Member

Meet our newest and furriest family member: Louie. 

His full name is Luongo, after my husband's favorite hockey player: Roberto Luongo. 

He's a schnoodle, which is a cross between a schnauzer and a poodle. 

He has a sad and thoughtful face.

He likes to have a buddy.

He sleeps a lot.

Even a hard metal table at the vet can't distract him from his nap.

He is a lot of work, but he's a keeper.

And then there's this:

Tuesday Tidbits (or Where Have I Been?)

Blogging has been a major part of my routine for quite some time now. As you may have noticed, I haven't posted anything new for a while. Why? I have about 2,892 posts floating around in my head, but let me give you a few tidbits about life lately:

• June
• Bought our first house
• Attended a conference in Florida
• July
• Painted every interior wall of the house
• Painted the brown, wooden trim white throughout the house (2 coats of primer + 2 coats of paint = approximately 45,000 hours of painting)
• Moved out of an apartment and into the house
• August
• Worked on house projects
• Learned that the adoption agency we wanted to work with has stopped accepting applications for now (which is good for the families on the waiting list, but bad for us)
• Met our puppy
• September
• Enjoyed having my parents visit for a week
• Took day trips to several locations
• Searched thrift stores and antique shops with my mom
• Decorated many of the bare walls in our house 
• Brought home our puppy
• Instantly became sleep deprived
• Found flea on puppy (EEEWWW!!)
• Panicked!
• Flea-bombed, laundered, and scrubbed everything in sight
• Took puppy outside as often as possible in hopes of keeping floor clean and dry
• Cleaned floor over and over and over again...
• Taught now-flealess puppy to sit and to fetch
• Snuggled with the cutest puppy known to man
• Learned that the informational meeting at our back-up adoption agency has been postponed another week

Whew! Is that enough to justify a blogging sabbatical? 

Like I said, I have a lot of posts floating around in my head. They will be coming at you soon, but for now, just look at this adorable little life-disrupter.